Brokenness: How God Redeems Pain and Suffering
by: Lon Solomon

Synopsis

Brokenness: How God Redeems Pain and Suffering, by Pastor Lon Solomon.

In 1992, Lon Solomon's career was on a speedy ascent. He was the senior pastor at McLean Bible Church, an influential and rapidly growing church in the suburbs of the nation's capital. In his weekly sermons he was funny, engaging, and self-effacing. He was successful, comfortable, respected by his peers and reaching Washington's elite decision makers. His life could not have been better. That's precisely when his world began to crumble. He didn't see it at the time, but today Pastor Solomon knows that God was sending the blessing of brokenness to him. It came in the form of a beautiful daughter who for years would suffer through thousands of seizures and become severely impaired, physically and mentally. He and his family were thrust into days of emotional darkness. Pastor Solomon began to question his faith and feared he would fail his congregation. In this touching and important book, he tells how God shattered him for the sole purpose of helping him reach his full potential as a servant of Christ. Today, his church is having a major impact on Washington, D.C., with more than 10,000 worshipers attending services each weekend. If you read this book, you'll never be the same.

Book Comments

In his new book Brokenness, Pastor Lon Solomon captures the true meaning of the word broken. Lon conveys a better understanding of what God is trying to do in our lives when we are broken for Him. If you need encouragement and strength, Brokenness will help you through the difficult times from someone who has been there and come out on the other side.
—Dr. Jerry Falwell,Pastor Thomas Road Baptist Church

In Brokenness, Lon Solomon gives biblical answers to tough questions like these: Does God himself actually send trouble and pain into the lives of his followers or is he simply a passive observer? Does God bring about difficulty as a punishment for sin? Does God inflict people with disease or does he simply allow it? Ultimately, is it God or Satan who is responsible for the suffering we face?
—Dr. Tim LaHaye,co-author Left Behind series.

This book will encourage those of you in the midst of brokenness and know that through the pain comes great joy.
—Dave Dravecky,former major league baseball pitcher

When it comes to refined faith, Lon and his family have been through the fire and truly know what it means to be "broken" according to God's plan.
—Joni Eareckson Tada,Joni and Friends

When Lon Solomon writes a book on Brokenness, I want to read it. He knows whereof he speaks. He has lived it.
—David Brickner,Jews for Jesus

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Excerpt

Preface

In the fall of 2004, I was in a Cairo bazaar drinking bitter coffee with friends when a young Egyptian girl suddenly appeared before me. Cupped in her hands was a laminated card that she delicately pressed into my palm. On it were two sentences written in English. I looked at them and then at her, then back at the words: "I am deaf and dumb, but I am going to school to try and become self-sufficient in life. Could you please help me?" It would have been easy to ignore her. But instinctively, I reached into my pocket and pulled out fifty Egyptian pounds, about eight American dollars, and placed it in her soiled fingers. Before I could withdraw my hand, she embraced it, kissing the top, then rubbing her face on it, alternating between each gesture for what seemed like several minutes.

I was feeling flush in the face and uncomfortable at this act of kindness and gratitude from the young girl kneeling before me. The more I tried to pull my hand away, the more she caressed it. In her own way, she was thanking me for caring enough to give her something that could help, not just a few pennies. The only regret I have was not giving her more.

If this had happened in 1992, I would have done what many people were doing to her — handed the card right back. But you see, for the last twelve years I have lived with a little girl who is now about the same age as the child in the bazaar. My daughter's name is Jill. And it was her face and her struggles that popped into my mind when the Egyptian girl handed me that card.

This book is based on an intensely personal relationship with Jill. Its tenets were learned in the fires of deep suffering. God taught me the truths of this book at the bottom of the worst emotional black hole that I've experienced in fifty-six years of living. I can certify that the precepts in this book are, as David says in Psalm 19:9, sure and altogether trustworthy, because I have lived them.

My wife Brenda and I had always wanted a daughter. As Brenda was turning forty, we had three healthy, wonderful boys — but no little girl. So we resigned ourselves that a daughter was out of the question. Then one day, Brenda came to me with the news: she was pregnant. It was unexpected and unplanned, and when we learned the baby was a girl, we were ecstatic. For the first three months of her life, Jill was a normal, healthy baby. Then we noticed something wrong with her arms. They were twitching, a malady we soon learned had a name: focal seizures. We were scared and worried, fearful of what might happen next to Jill. We prayed for the best, but the worst happened. Her localized seizures evolved into full-body, grand mal convulsions.

By the time Jill was a year old, she was having multiple major seizures daily. We saw doctor after doctor and tried every type of medicine. Nothing worked. The experts suggested trying the Ketogenie diet, a radical, high-fat diet pioneered by Johns Hopkins Hospital. Still, the seizures kept on coming. Sometimes Jill would have as many as twelve grand mal seizures in a day.

The rescue squad arrived so many times at our house we knew each paramedic by name. They'd race in, insert a valium drip intravenously into Jill's arm, then rush her to the emergency room. At the hospital, the doctors would carry her into a room and pull the drapes closed, cutting us off from any view of our child. We would be told to stay outside, leaving us unknowing what was going on behind the drapes. We hoped and prayed Jill was fighting for her life. And we cried. These episodes were so serious that Jill had to stay for several days in the pediatric intensive care unit.

Brenda and I would be with her, sleeping in chairs in the care unit's waiting room. On Jill's first Thanksgiving Day she had nineteen grand mal seizures. We spent the entire weekend in the hospital with her. In 2000, she almost died from a rash of uncontrollable seizures. With heavy hearts, Brenda and I began to plan her funeral service. Despite the odds, Jill survived but lost the ability to walk, stand up on her own or even sit in a chair without falling over.

To date, Jill has had nearly six thousand seizures that have profoundly damaged her brain and left her severely mentally retarded. Yet, to our dismay, none of the doctors who had been treating Jill were able to tell us exactly what was wrong with her. One doctor summed it up this way: "Well, she's got a nasty seizure disorder."

Finally, in God's amazing mercy, we met Dr. Richard Kelley at the Kennedy-Kreiger Genetics Institute at Johns Hopkins Medical Center. Dr. Kelley evaluated Jill and said right off, "I believe I know what's wrong with Jill. She has mitochondrial disease." He explained that it's a genetic problem that keeps the body from producing enough energy to meet its needs, and one of the major symptoms is massive numbers of seizures. "It's like the brain is running on low-test fuel," Dr. Kelley told us, "so it pings and knocks and has seizures."

Jill's disorder, he said, could not be cured. It could be treated though, by a cocktail of energy-enhancing vitamins and anti-oxidants. Jill began this regimen in 2000 and her improvement has been nothing short of miraculous. She has gone from nearly twelve seizures a day to one every two to four weeks. She has regained all of her mobility and has even begun to learn some new skills.

Nonetheless, the damage from thousands of seizures has left Jill severely impaired. She has lost the ability to speak, which she once could do, and is now completely nonverbal. She is not potty trained, nor can she dress herself. She recognizes her family, but she cannot understand even simple commands or grasp even the most elementary concepts. If she kicks the covers off during the night, she will lie in the fetal position and shiver, unaware of her need to simply pull the blankets over her. If she went outside in cold weather and became chilled, she could not fathom the idea that a coat would warm her.

Jill has no conception of danger, and for her protection, someone must watch her every minute of every day for the rest of her life. Apart from a miracle from the Lord, Brenda and I will be caring for Jill until we or she passes away.

The impact of Jill's sickness has been devastating for us. We had to watch our little girl suffer so badly while we were powerless to help her. Then there was the physical and emotional exhaustion we experienced. Jill didn't sleep through the night for eight years, from 1992 through 2000. She would have seizures through the night, which required hourly care or trips to the emergency room. We were walking zombies for those years — exhausted, spent, and burned out.

On top of this, we had three boys to care for. Jamie was fourteen when Jill was born; Justin was eleven and Jon was six. Jill consumed so much of our time and energy that we had little left to give the boys. We tried our best to get to their ballgames, help with their homework, play games with them, take them on vacations, be involved with their spiritual lives, and support them through their teenage years. But we always felt we were failing them. The guilt from this was terrible. We felt like we were in a lose-lose situation and there was absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel.

Then there was the grief — the grief of watching our dreams and plans for our little girl vanish. There would be no shopping trips to the mall, where Brenda and Jill could laugh and buy clothes. There would be no piano lessons, dance lessons, first dates, prom nights, or teaching Jill to drive. I was never going to walk my daughter down the aisle or watch her become a mother.

All of our dreams for our own life would never be fulfilled either. There would be no empty nest days when we could travel together and enjoy one another's company unencumbered by the demands of children. There would be no impulsive dinners out or dashes to the movie theater to catch a last-minute showing. The plans we had cherished for what life would be like in our fifties and beyond were now dead, forever. The loss of our future was an utterly shattering blow to us. The strains on our marriage were at times unbearable.

So I began to ask some hard questions: Where is God in all of this? Why would he allow this to happen to me when I am trying so hard to serve him faithfully? Is God really engaged in this suffering, or am I just at the mercy of these circumstances? I know Romans 8:28 says that God works for the good of those who love him, but what good can possibly come out of the pain Brenda and I are suffering through? Am I a bad Christ follower with some serious sins in my life that God is punishing me for, even though I can't figure out what they might be? Am I a follower of Christ at all? Have I been deceiving myself all along? Is my faith somehow insufficient?

This book is the result of twelve years of such questions, studying God's Word for answers, and watching God redeem our pain and turn it into good, just as he promised. I have seen God redeem the suffering that our family has experienced in ways that I could never have imagined twelve years ago.

Jill's disability has been a defining moment for me as a father and a husband. Today, Brenda and I have a much stronger marriage. And Jill has made me a better pastor, providing me the foresight to want to help others with disabilities. Brenda and I will be serving Jill for the rest of our lives. Instead of considering it a burden, we consider it a privilege.

I have learned about brokenness and have understood its power firsthand. And I now realize that had I better known the principles in this book, I would have gone through the last twelve years with far more hope, far more assurance, and far less anguish of the soul. If you're a follower of Christ, and you're going through a time of deep suffering and pain, the message in this book will help you, as it did me, understand why God breaks us before he can fully use us. I believe it will bring you hope and reassurance. I pray this book will give you a spiritual perspective on what is happening to you, one that is both biblical and time-tested.

As David said in Psalm 23, I hope this book will restore your soul.

Lon Solomon
November 4, 2004

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